then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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