Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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