i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
