Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
