there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
