I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
