look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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