i jhust puked up my retainher.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
