She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
These tits shall not be calmed
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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