i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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