thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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