Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just wanna be euthanized
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.