Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.