your parents love me but you hate me
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
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What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
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I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.