i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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