is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
nutella sex= disaster
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked