he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts