I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
