You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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