we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
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Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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