apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
