it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
