Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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