Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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