This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
