So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
