you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
