Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Pants are for mortals
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
