Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
