oh god the rape fog is back!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
