Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
