Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
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These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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