is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
