I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize