elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
