Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
