Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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