Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
