i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
