He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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