Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
