i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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