If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
