she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
