god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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