Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
