hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
All I want is dick and wine.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize