I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
