If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The adults are the big ones right?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
