watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
