but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize