I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
