He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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