yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
