I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
