5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
