just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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