Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
