hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
