Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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