Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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