I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
