Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
