Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Be still, my beating vagina.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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