I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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