I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
