So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
