what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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