She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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