I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
