No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
