The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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