Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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